Penny Loafers in the Snow

“I sure wish I’d worn something more than this,” I thought to myself as I shoved my hands deeper into my letter jacket. And though the letter jacket was made with wool for the cold and a decent lining it wasn’t made for the temperature I was subjecting it and myself to just now.

Walking along the side of the road my shiny brown penny loafers didn’t offer much in the way of protection from the elements either.  What with the Levi blue jeans and the white cotton socks nothing below my waist seemed to be fairing all that well just now.  And even though I was walking along the edge of the road for the most part there was just enough snow here and there that I ended up stepping in that was now making my feet all that much colder.

The moon was shining and there seemed to be more stars in the sky than I’d ever seen before.  The cold of the night just seemed to make all the light from the heavens above just seem brighter.  Folks like me knew that tonight wasn’t what the natives called cold but rather it was pretty much a touch on the brisk side.  I was a native and I knew how cold the nights could get this time of year and so what wasn’t maybe more than fifteen or twenty above zero wasn’t really cold but in the moment it was damn brisk for sure.

I’d driven this stretch of US 12 & 16 countless times since I’d gotten my license some two years ago but I’d never walked it.  From New Lisbon to Mauston it was seven miles and I was never sure of whether that was from city limit to city limit or center to center.  But no matter I was doing my best to figure out how far I was from New Lisbon and a warm bed just now and as near as I could figure I likely had a good four miles to walk yet.

There isn’t really any place along that road that you can get a good long look in front or behind you but I was certain of one thing that Saturday night in December and that was that there hadn’t been any traffic on the road my whole walk and there didn’t look like there was any coming any time soon.

And so I did the only thing I could do, I just kept walking away from Mauston and toward New Lisbon all the while longing for the warmth of the car that had taken me there.

 

“Hey, you want to go to Mauston to the dance with us?”

She was an old girlfriend who very honestly it still hurt to look at or think about to any large degree.  Thing was in a school as small as ours you saw everyone pretty much all the time.  She’d gone on to doing other things with other folks and so had I but still there was a history with us and even if she’d gotten past it I certainly hadn’t.  So when she asked of course my first thought was that maybe, just maybe, she wanted to get back together with me which was something I sure hadn’t seen coming.

“Who’s going?” I asked hoping I didn’t sound too eager.

“Paula gets to use the car and so we were going to go to the dance in Mauston and I was wondering if you wanted to go along.”

“Yeah, sure, I don’t have anything else I’m doing so that would be great.” And now I was likely sounding a bit too eager but for all I knew there was a chance and a chance was more than enough when it came to the ladies and me.

“OK, it’ll be fun.  Meet us at 6,” were her instructions and then she was gone.

The next twenty-four plus hours took an eternity what with all the thoughts running through my head which at the time was the head of an eighteen year old male which is almost never a good thing.  The thought of getting back together with that blonde haired beauty was almost too much for me to imagine though imagine I did.

This was the girl that I had stood on top of that old dam across the Lemonweir River right in the center of all the while watching the water flow from somewhere I didn’t know to somewhere I wanted to know and singing to her. And though I don’t know if it would have ever made any difference in our relationship the fact was she never knew about that pathetic attempt at hoping somehow she would hear me and would know my heart.

But just now she was asking me to a dance.

Finally it was time to meet up and head out to the dance in Mauston which was something new for me.  Oh, I’d been to plenty of dances since I’d gotten my driver’s license as soon as I’d turned 16 but they were all in Hillsboro. 

And the truth was I was a bit apprehensive about going to Mauston especially since my chosen wardrobe in those days revolved solely around my letter jacket.  I was as proud of that letter jacket as I was of anything I called my own and I wore it with pride every place I went. Nothing had ever happened that might have suggested I shouldn’t be advertising where I was from and the like but still Mauston was a place I wasn't fanot so much for the town or the people but because they were almost twice our size and we could never beat them in anything we played against them.  To this day I wake up in cold sweats thinking about having to face that left handed throwing Bob Smart but that’s another story. And still as I left home that day I remember feeling a bit hesitant about going though I couldn’t put my finger on just why.

It took only an instant for me to understand loud and clear that this trip to a dance was not about “us” getting back together again since seating arrangements worked out to her and Paula in the front seat and me in the back.  If there was one thing I’d learned over my years as designated driver to the dances the only way something, anything was going to happen was if she was sitting next to you.  And in this case I was sitting very much alone.  Oh I did my best leaning forward and sticking my head in between their shoulders but it did me no good and in the end I settled back for the brief seven mile drive.

“Dang that heater works good,” I remember saying at one point.

To be honest with you the rest of the evening was and still is a blur only because we no sooner got there than I found myself alone.  I had no clue where the girls had gone and the fact was I didn’t know anyone though I recognized several of the guy’s faces from having gone up against them in football or basketball or baseball. 

I had dated a girl from Mauston the past spring and summer and part of me hoped to see her there while the other part dreaded the possibility.  She was the girl I’d made the right decision about and always wished that somehow I could have made the other choice with.  You see when on that fateful night I had kissed her and said no she’d not taken it well at all.  A few days later a letter was delivered to my house from her and that was that.

In the end the night was a complete waste for me in whatever way one can imagine a wasted night being.  From my perspective I was alone in enemy territory with no options evident to me.  I couldn’t even go up to a girl, ask her to dance and then ask her out for a burger and a Coke because, oh yeah, I didn’t have a car.  All the while my letter jacket seemed to be drawing more attention than I was comfortable with.  And still I wasn’t willing to take it off.

And that’s about the time I decided to go looking for the car since I sure couldn’t find the girls.

I knew where we’d parked, I knew exactly where we’d parked, and I was thinking that maybe the girls had found a couple guys and I’d find them in the car.  Yeah, that’s what happened, they met a couple guys and I’d find them out in the car.  I didn’t have to bother them, I just wanted to make sure of where my ride was.  I walked out into that December night only to find the space where the car had been parked empty.  Nothing.  No one.  Empty as empty could be.

Walking back inside I figured that they’d be back soon enough and everything would turn out alright.  So I’d just wait for them. And that’s what I did, I waited until the gym was empty and the band was packing up their equipment and I waited just a bit more.

When I was younger I’d had an aunt and uncle who lived in Mauston but they’d since moved on and the only other person I really knew there was Dawn and as a prideful eighteen year old male I sure wasn’t about to go knock on her door in the middle of the night.  So I started walking away from Mauston and toward New Lisbon.

 

“I sure wish I would have worn more than this,” I said to myself yet again.

“One foot in front of the other and stop thinking about how the toes are starting to smart just a bit.  It isn’t that much further and once you get to that hill by Walker’s place it’s all downhill anyways,” was the sort of dialogue I had going with myself now. 

“Yeah mom’s gonna be pissed big time but the important thing right now is to just get home.”

 

I’d given myself over to watching my feet as much as anything.  One step and then another. I knew it wasn’t like I was going to die out there or something but it was damn cold and I couldn’t figure out for the life of me how I was in this spot anyways and so I kept watching my feet when I wasn’t looking out ahead of me or behind me.  For all I knew the girls didn’t know where I was either and so pretty soon they’d be coming along. I could hope if nothing else.

The night was truly brilliant in the brightness of the moon and the stars and the snow truly did shimmer and shine.  Even in those days I wasn’t opposed to admiring those sorts of sights which likely is why I didn’t notice the car coming up behind me.  I was looking at the stars and the moon and thinking that I was getting closer to Walker’s place with every step.  The combination of ice and snow and gravel all crunching under my feet were the only sounds I was concentrating on as I wondered how I’d gotten myself in this mess.

The car passed by me slowing down as it did.  The brake lights came on and then the backup lights as it rolled back to where I was.  Stopping next to me I opened up the passenger’s door and felt the blast of the warm interior heat escaping past me.

The driver didn’t say anything at first and I stood there not sure what I to do.  He seemed to be studying me as if he wasn’t sure if he was going to give me a ride into town or not.  And I sure didn’t recognize him so I couldn’t just blurt out that I was glad to see him and thanks for stopping for me. It was one of those moments when you just stand there hoping for the best but figuring the worst is about to happen.

“You play basketball for New Lisbon don’t you?” he finally asked. “You’re a starter right?”

“Yes sir I do and I am,” I replied.

“Well, hop in and let’s get you home.”

With a very genuine thank you I jumped in and closed the door.  The warmth of the interior of that car was almost too much but I wasn’t about to complain.

“I go to most all the home games and I thought I recognized you.  Not sure I would have stopped otherwise.  How come you’re out here in the middle of the night walking along like that?”

I told him what had happened and he just nodded his head.

Walker’s place went by in a flash and then we were in the middle of New Lisbon between the old post office and the Times Argus building. He let me out, I thanked him and said I’d look for him at the next game.  He smiled, said OK and drove off.

If mom heard me get home I never heard about it.  Maybe having just turned eighteen put a different perspective on our relationship for her.  I walked upstairs, went to bed and though I did wonder what had happened to the girls and my ride that was about it.  I closed my eyes, went to sleep and in a few short hours was up and headed to church.

 

I never asked the girls about that night in Mauston and they never told me what had happened.  It didn’t matter mainly because the one real reason I’d gone was because I thought that maybe, just maybe, something old would be made new again.

 

It was my senior year in high school and I’ll always believe our basketball should have been better than what it ended up being.  We were never bad but we were never that good either and it always puzzled me.  True our center had gone through this growth spurt and what some of us took for granted was at times a bit of a challenge for him when it came to moving side to side and the like.  Our forwards were both, in their own ways, fine high school basketball players.  The one was almost hard as nails and could jump like gravity didn’t concern him.  The other had been my best friend and as far as I was concerned he was as good as they come.  Besides, as the point guard the one thing I always knew for certain whether I could see him or not was where he would be on the court.  Our other guard was a year younger than the four of us but he was as tough as they come, quick as greased lightning and when he had the chance as good a shooter as we had.  We were good or so I thought but it seemed that in the end there were a lot of other teams that were better so our record sure didn’t end up looking that good.

 

It wasn’t until much later that I ever stopped and thought about that night walking home in the cold and snow from Mauston to New Lisbon that it hit me. I never saw the man that gave me the ride home at one of our games.  He’d said he recognized me as a starter and that he went to most all the home games and yet when I looked for him I never saw him. 

In looking back on it all I have to be honest and tell you I sometimes wonder what really happened that night out there on US 12 & 16 just about halfway between Mauston and New Lisbon.